2022 Claudia Emerson Teen Poetry Contest

She looks in the mirror
but doesn't see herself
she sees a broken girl
she sees a girl broken into pieces
she looks at the pieces to make sure they're in a place
because she knows she can't break down no matter what

Do you think she's dressed in black?
Do you think she's emo?
Or do you not notice the girl right in front of you?
The girl wearing the bright colors or the blue hoodie
She is the girl broken into a thousand pieces
but you don't notice
She cried in the morning
but people don't notice
that the tears leave a glossy effect
they don't notice because of the girl's smile
the girl looks fine, so you don't ask if she is okay

She feels like screaming out
but when she does a sound never comes out
It's like one moment you have the courage in the world
then the next you don't even have the courage to speak up

She listens to the problems you have
while crumbling on the inside
she tells you what you should or could do
never following her own advice

But what about her?
what about the girl who has no one helping her
don't you see that she's falling apart?
her life is slipping through her hands like grains of sand
no matter how hard she tries
she can't find the strength to follow her advice

When she's home she waits to be alone
so everything she has been holding in comes out
she cries until she can't
She falls apart then quickly picks up the pieces
she can't let anyone know about her true self

Her true self is a monster
full of sadness, doubt, ashamed, guilty
if she lets it out in front of people
they will never understand the true meaning of her crying
so she waits until she's home
so the tears can flow out of her eyes like a river

She doesn't tell
she knows if she does you'll have to live with a burden
the burden of guilt
you never knew because she hid it
she hid her hurting
but she gave a smile and you never saw past that

In the end, she keeps this to herself
not for her sake, but for yours
she knows you won't understand
she knows you don't know what it's like

You'll never know what it's like
carrying a burden with you everywhere
keeping a face smile on your face
lying telling people you're fine even when you're hurting
you'll never know unless you lived through it yourself

I saw her dark shadow lurking from the river’s corner,
I didnt dare move because chances are, she already knew where i was,
I held my breathe and sucked in my stomach,
I had a nasty gut feeling and now my heart felt heavy,
And exactly .12 seconds later i heard a dreadful scream and something sprinting towards me,
Please god no, I thought but my gut told me it was too late,
I managed to not close my eyes and when nothing was in front of me,
I turned around to see she’d brought a friend,
I didnt even mean to but she didn't care,
The creature sprinting towards to me was at least 7 feet tall,
My brain was failing and i didnt know what to do,
There was no use crying because i was already out of tears,
The wind started to pick up,
Maybe i could fly away, i thought,
Ok jessica remain calm,
This happened last time too

Spotlight, glaring brightness
I stand, stomach cramped-
On the stage
Hundreds crowd before me,
Ready for the performance
We go first,
Then Band and Chorus
“I’m sorry if I’m not what you wanted to see”
Are my thoughts,
But I bow, holding my violin
Then, I play
A squeak, I wince-
But drag my bow across the string
The music flows
And with it goes my anxiety
The melody passes around the ensemble
Fluidly, like a calm river
Suddenly it turns-
Fast paced and swift
I take lead, all the others-
Cascade after
Next, heavy chords
Melancholy and sorrowful
The feeling of regret
Resounding through the orchestra,
Underlying every bow stroke
The theme returns again
My violin sings it
Bight and clear
My body moves-
Mimicking the rise of the lyrical section
Then-
A dramatic end, a sudden stop
I look out into the crowd
Scattered applause, polite
But all just waiting for Band and Chorus
And are ignoring us

My fist clench
But I solely feel the elation
Experienced on stage
Exhilaration battles contempt-
and wins
So I walk off stage and-
Behind the curtains,
Raise my arms
In triumph